You’re two today.

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I was lost before you found me. My heart well-guarded from a love like yours—a guard I didn’t even know I had built from early heartbreaks I didn’t choose. The life I constructed in defense had me constantly on overdrive– over-stimulated, but under-joyed. Unconditional love was just a phrase. Idle time was a bad dream where I fell far behind. I prioritized my career, travel, materials—surface things—and under-appreciated the very things that made any of the surface things worthwhile: simplicity, time, connection, love.

You brought all these things center stage—and it brought me to my knees. My heart was inundated, I almost lost my footing. The anxiety over anything happening to you, this newfound joy, was overwhelming. In loving you, I found myself, the me I long hid behind the surface things—and I found love and subsequently, untainted happiness, once again.

I can’t believe you turn two today—you change and grow so fast, I worry if I don’t capture your every moment—I’ll lose the memory of the you that you were before today. To think how ungodly early we wake up, but at night, still feel there’s never enough time in a day. As much as I can’t wait for each milestone, inside, I mourn each too. They mean you’re growing up right in front of me—and I just want time to pause, to enjoy this day, this hour, this minute, this moment.

You are the funniest, craziest little peanut—wild and inquisitive just like me, happy and easy-going like your dad—with a heart like the two of ours combined. You’ve conquered the art of being messy and sweet all wrapped into one— from your big blue eyes and mullet hair, to your pot belly and ticklish toes. Being your mother these past two years has been my greatest joy, teaching you my greatest task, and loving you my greatest gift.

Happy 2nd birthday to my forever little wild child,

Mama

“Who is this angel, sent here to change me,
sent here to take me where I’ve never been?
Long I have wandered, weary and waiting,
For something to shake me and life to begin.

All this longing for beauty unnamed.
It has broken me open to welcome the hope that you bring.”

-Jennifer Nettles-

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